🎭 10 Things I Pretend Not to Care About (But Definitely Do)
💬 Being Left on “Read”
“Oh no, it’s fine. They’re probably just busy!” —me, 6 hours into refreshing the chat window like I’m checking stocks.🪞 How I Look in Candid Photos
“Who cares? It’s just a photo.” (Lies. I zoom in, assess the jawline angle, and silently mourn my posture.)🧼 If Someone Notices I Cleaned
“Oh, I didn’t even try, just tidied a bit!”
(Translation: I scrubbed grout with a toothbrush and lit three scented candles for this exact moment.)🎂 If People Forget My Birthday
“I’m not big on birthdays.”
(Except I whispered the date into the wind last week and casually left it in my bio “just in case.”)🧠 Whether People Think I'm Smart
“Pfft, I don’t need to prove anything.”
(Casually inserts an unnecessary fun fact about octopus intelligence into a pizza order conversation.)🧑🍳 When Someone Doesn’t Like My Cooking
“No worries at all! Not everyone likes cumin.”
(Glares into the void and questions every spice-related decision I’ve made since 2012.)🎶 If Someone Skips a Song I Put On
“Totally okay, you play something!”
(Internally: Was that not the perfect vibey track? I’m emotionally invested in that bassline.)🪑 Whether I’m the "Cool" One in the Friend Group
“I’m just chill, I don’t care about labels.”
(Desperately hoping I’m at least the ‘quirky wildcard’ or ‘secretly deep one.’ Just not ‘background friend #3.’)✍️ Likes on Something I Posted
“It’s not about the numbers, it’s about expression.”
(Refreshes. Refreshes. Contemplates switching to a raccoon-only meme account for better engagement.)😬 If Someone Says ‘We Need to Talk’
“Sure, no problem!”
(Immediately convinced I’ve accidentally committed tax fraud, insulted their grandma, and ruined everything.)
🌈 Bonus Pretend Chill:
📦 Tracking a Package I Just Ordered 11 Minutes Ago
“It’ll get here when it gets here.” (Refreshes tracking again. Stares at “Label Created” like it owes me an explanation.)
