10 Reasons Why Making Your Bed is a Scam (and Why We Still Do It)
— a slightly suspicious but oddly compelling investigation into daily fabric origami
For years—nay, decades—we've been told that making our beds is a cornerstone of discipline, tidiness, and being a proper adult™. But what if I told you that this whole thing smells faintly of a conspiracy cooked up by linen salesmen, guilt-ridden grandmas, and possibly the ghost of a drill sergeant?
Here’s why making your bed might be the ultimate domestic scam…and why, bafflingly, we still do it.
1. 🛏️ It’s Undone Every. Single. Night.
Imagine painting a beautiful mural, only to smash it with a mallet 12 hours later. That’s bed-making. It’s temporary art with a built-in self-destruct mechanism.
2. ⏰ It Eats Time Like a Hungry Pillow Goblin
You could spend those 3–6 minutes every morning learning Portuguese, perfecting your kazoo skills, or staring dramatically into the mirror. Instead? You’re wrestling a comforter like it owes you money.
3. 💸 Big Bedding Doesn’t Want You to Know This
Crisp, folded, hotel-style beds sell more throw pillows. Coincidence? Or is Big Duvet behind this charade? Follow the thread count, folks. 👀
4. 😈 It’s a Trap for Spiders
Some argue an unmade bed gives spiders more places to hide. Others say a made bed is a perfect spider welcome mat. In truth, the spiders are in charge, and your bed is their Airbnb.
5. 😤 “It Sets the Tone for the Day” Is a Lie
So does brushing your teeth or making a perfect pancake flip. Why glorify this one chore like it's a TED Talk in sheet form?
6. 📸 It’s Just Instagram Pressure
Would you make your bed if no one ever saw it? Be honest. The perfectly plumped pillows are for that one aesthetic pic before the dog jumps on it and sneezes.
7. 🧠 It Tricks You Into Thinking You’ve Accomplished Something
It's Productivity Placebo! You made a rectangle tidy. Great. Meanwhile, your inbox has 47 unread emails and your laundry has formed a union.
8. 🧦 You’re Just Going to Throw Your Leg Out Anyway
Every night, the sheets are kicked off, twisted, and somehow turned into a burrito of despair. Your 8 a.m. masterpiece becomes a 2 a.m. wrestling match with a fitted sheet.
9. 🥸 The Military Started It—And We Just… Kept Going?
Tight corners were originally to check discipline, not comfort. If your bed is “hospital tight,” ask yourself: are you in the army or just trapped in a performance of cleanliness?
10. ❤️ We Still Do It Because... It Feels Right
In a world of chaos, bills, and questionable yogurt expiry dates, a made bed is a tiny shrine to order. A cozy monument to having some control—even if it's just over cotton rectangles and fluff.
Conclusion?
Making your bed is a possibly pointless, highly suspicious daily ritual wrapped in social expectation and thread count deception.
And yet—like singing in the shower or naming your plants—it brings weird comfort.
So if you’re gonna do it, make it weird. Add googly eyes to the pillows. Tuck in a tiny disco ball. Declare it your kingdom and rule with a cozy fist.
You do you, Bed Baron. 👑🛌✨
