10 Jobs That Deserve Belly Rubs and Treats (But Get Emails Instead)

1. Middle School Librarian 📚🐾
   Master of the Dewey Decimal AND teenage drama. They break up whisper-fights over manga and can find a 2007 TIME magazine while blindfolded. Deserves tuna snacks and an enchanted belly scritch of tranquility.

2. IT Help Desk Hero 🖥️🍖
   Resets your password for the 7th time with the grace of a patient corgi. Crawls through tangled cords like a cyber-ferret. Should get peanut butter in a Kong, not phishing scam alerts.

3. Municipal Sewer Mapper 🐢💦
   Knows every pipe beneath your city like the back of their gloved hand. Probably shook hands with a ninja turtle once. Award them with a bacon-scented chew toy and a nap in the sun.

4. Substitute Teacher in 8th Grade Algebra 🧮🦴
   Walks into chaos and calmly writes “Please be kind :)” on the board. Uses dry-erase markers like a wand of sanity. Deserves a treat pouch full of jellybeans and a glittery tiara of honor.

5. Night Shift Hospital Janitor 🧼🦴
   Silently battles biohazards with the poise of a moonlit knight. If floors could award medals, they would. Give them a belly rub and the last donut in the breakroom (the one with the sprinkles).

6. Customer Service Chat Responder 🤖🍤
   Pretends “Sarah from Tech Support” isn’t an AI while answering 92 chats about lost Wi-Fi. Handles human weirdness with the loyalty of a golden retriever in glasses. Deserves a calming chew stick and someone to scratch behind the ears when they fix your router.

7. Archivist Who Lives in a Basement With Scrolls 📜🦪
   Unearths forgotten facts and whispers secrets to microfiche. Knows the difference between slightly burned parchment and haunted vellum. Give this cryptid scholar some tuna treats and a laser pointer to chase away their ennui.

8. Train Announcer at an Empty Platform 🚂🐾
   Still reads every stop with gusto even if no one listens. Keeps the rhythm of the rails alive. Reward them with a liver-flavored biscuit and a cuddle from a commuter who finally noticed.

9. Admin Assistant Who Knows Everyone’s Birthday 🗓️🧁
   Guardian of paperclips, lunch orders, and morale. Plans a surprise party for the office ficus. Should receive infinite squeaky ducks and a back rub from a certified hedgehog masseuse.

10. Weather Balloon Wrangler 🎈🌪️
    Hugs the sky with science. Occasionally chased by raccoons who think the balloon is a moon snack. Give them a snuffle mat filled with marshmallows and eternal tail wags from the clouds.

🎁 Today’s takeaway? If you see one of these marvelous souls in the wild, don’t email them. Toss them a metaphorical tennis ball and tell them they’re a very good human. 🐶💌💼