🕵️♀️🚿 12 Unsolved Mysteries That Still Bother Me in the Shower 🧼🌀
(Real-life enigmas that sneak up while the shampoo’s in my eyes.)
Every time I step into the steamy abyss of the shower, the existential faucet opens and pours out more than just hot water. My brain? A detective with no case file. The steam? Suspicious. The loofah? Not talking. These are the unsolved mysteries that lurk in the grout of my mind:
Why do we remember exactly what we should’ve said in an argument… three years too late? 😤🧠
The perfect comeback always arrives like a guest at a party that’s already over. “Oh yeah?! Well YOU’RE a logical fallacy!” — me, mid-conditioner, too late.What is déjà vu and why does it happen in completely boring moments? 🔁🤯
I’ve definitely dropped this razor in this exact way before while humming Vanessa Carlton. Have I lived this life already? Is time a microwave?How did ancient people know which berries wouldn’t kill them? 🍇☠️
Like…was Steve just like, “I’ll try this one. If I explode, tell the others not to”? Respect to the berry testers of yore. Your sacrifices were juicy.Where does that one missing sock actually go? 🧦🕳️
Is it a wormhole to Sock Vegas? Is it the price of clean laundry? I’ve considered putting out a missing sock report. No leads. Just lint.What was the exact moment the Titanic hit the iceberg, and did anyone on board feel it and go “huh”? 🧊🚢
Was someone just trying to butter toast and thought “that was weird”? The idea haunts me while I rinse.Why do dogs stare at invisible corners like they know something? 🐕👀
Is my dog seeing ghosts? Is there a pigeon ghost haunting my tiles? Why is she growling at the soap dish??Who decided we should wear ties, and were they okay?? 👔❓
"Let’s wrap a decorative strip of fabric around our necks to show professionalism" sounds like something a neckwear goblin made up. I don’t trust it.What’s the real reason we can’t tickle ourselves? 🤨🫳
Don’t give me the brain science. It feels like a government cover-up. I should be able to tickle my own armpit, dang it!Why did everyone in old paintings look like they just saw something mildly disappointing? 🎨😐
“I have no mouth and I must yawn.” Were plums outlawed? Was smiling taxed?How did we ever survive before GPS? 🗺️🧍♀️
I cannot comprehend holding a paper map and not screaming. Did people just guess where Kansas was? I barely know where my shampoo is.Why do we never see baby pigeons? 🐦👶
Seriously. Where are they? Are they hatched fully middle-aged? Do they skip childhood and go straight to grumpy uncle?What’s the deal with dreams where your teeth fall out? 🦷😬
Is it stress? Is it a prophecy? Is it my subconscious saying “floss better or perish”?
