🐶 12 Ridiculous Things We’d Totally Do for Our Pets (Don’t Judge) 🐱

Oh, it's National Pet Day, aka the one day a year where it’s socially acceptable to cancel brunch plans because your cat is emotionally needy. Whether your goldfish is your therapist or your ferret has a skincare routine, today is the perfect time to loudly proclaim: YES, I DID THAT FOR MY PET. AND I’D DO IT AGAIN.

So without further tail-wagging or meow-mumbling, here are…

1. Built Them a Tiny Replica of Our Apartment So They Feel Included During Zoom Calls 🏠📱
   Yes, Mr. Sprinkles deserves a home office with a tiny ergonomic mouse chair. He’s been stressed since Q4.

2. Commissioned a Watercolor Portrait of Them as a 19th-Century Aristocrat 🎨🐕
   Duke Whiskerford von Meow-Meow didn’t claw his way up the social ladder for a basic selfie.

3. Thrown a Full Moon Howl Party for the Dog, Complete with Werewolf DJ 🌕🎧
   No one else howls to EDM like Barktholomew. No one.

4. Learned Fluent Squirrel to Keep Up With Their Backyard Drama 🐿️🗣️
   “I saw Chippy steal three acorns and a wedding invitation. Brenda’s gonna lose it.”

5. Ordered Matching Pajamas, Bathrobes, and Mood Rings 💅😴💍
   How else will people know we’re spiritually aligned in sleepwear and aura?

6. Let the Hamster Pick Stocks for the Family Portfolio 📈🐹
   Tootsie chose randomly and we’re up 17%. Coincidence? Tootsie thinks not.

7. Installed a Bubble Machine So the Cat Can Feel Like She’s in a 90s R&B Music Video 🎤🫧
   She only swats in slow motion now. We call her Miss Meowriah Carey.

8. Made Them an Elaborate Breakfast Board With Mini Pancakes and Bacon Air-Freshener 🥓🍳🐾
   Yes, it was on a slate board. Yes, there were microgreens. No, they didn’t eat it.

9. Created an Entire Soap Opera Starring Their Stuffed Animal Friends 📺🧸
   Tuna & Tumbles: Forbidden Love at the Laundry Basket is in its third season.

10. Tattooed Their Paw Print Over Our Heart So They Know They're Always First in the Will 💘🐾
    Grandma’s heirloom brooch? Nah, Sparklebutt gets the yacht and the emotional baggage.

11. Held a Press Conference to Announce Their Birthday 🎙️🎂
    “We are gathered here today to celebrate Princess Noodle’s seventh year of fabulousness.”

12. Hired a Personal Trainer to Help Them Practice Their Dramatic Flops 🐕💃
    Oscar-worthy tail sweeps and slow collapses? Chef’s kiss. Stanley is a method actor.

🎈💖 Let’s face it: our pets own us. And we love it. So today, whisper sweet nothings to your iguana, throw a rose petal bath for your rat, and remember:
Ridiculous is just love with a glitter boa.