🐍 10 Snakes That Are Honestly Just Dramatic Worms 🪱
(Because not all serpents need the theatrics, but here we are.)
1. Threadsnake (Leptotyphlops spp.)
Actual size: About as long as a spaghetti noodle.
Dramatic move: Pretending it’s a real snake when it’s barely thicker than a phone charger cord.
Worm score: 9.7/10. Has no right being this serpentine with this little ambition.
2. Brahminy Blind Snake (Indotyphlops braminus)
Also known as: The flowerpot snake. Yes, really.
Dramatic move: Parthenogenesis (all individuals are female and clone themselves). It’s giving independent woman, no man required, but make it worm.
Worm score: 10/10. Moves like a worm, looks like a worm, reproduces like a worm. Calm down.
3. Rubber Boa (Charina bottae)
Vibe: Sad, slow, shy. The Eeyore of snakes.
Dramatic move: Freezes when threatened. Or slowly wraps around fingers like a wet pipe cleaner.
Worm score: 7.5/10. A little thicker, but still extremely unbothered and squishy.
4. Slender Blind Snake (Ramphotyphlops spp.)
Habitat: Lives underground. Hates light. Eats ants. Truly antisocial.
Dramatic move: Being mistaken for earthworms on purpose to avoid predators. Identity theft as defense mechanism.
Worm score: 9/10. Doing the bare minimum and thriving.
5. Pipe Snake (Cylindrophiidae)
Drama level: High. Flares up its body to look bigger. Flashes its belly in warning like it's at a reptile rave.
Worm score: 6.5/10. Still looks like a big rubbery noodle, but trying way too hard to be taken seriously.
6. Eastern Worm Snake (Carphophis amoenus)
Name says it all.
Dramatic move: Burrows into soft soil and avoids sunlight like a hungover introvert.
Worm score: 11/10. Full worm cosplayer.
7. Blind Snakes in General (Family Typhlopidae)
Group behavior: All look like someone hit "smooth" too many times in Photoshop.
Dramatic move: Living underground and pretending they don’t see you. Which, to be fair, they literally don’t.
Worm score: Worms wish they had this level of commitment to the bit.
8. Sunbeam Snake (Xenopeltis unicolor)
Looks: Iridescent. Stunning. Shiny disco worm.
Dramatic move: Acts humble despite looking like a rave accessory.
Worm score: 5/10. Too pretty to be full worm, but still very much playing in the dirt with no venom or fangs.
9. Rosy Boa (Lichanura trivirgata)
Temperament: Chill. Almost lazy.
Dramatic move: Rolls into a tight coil and pretends to be a rock when stressed. Iconic avoidance.
Worm score: 6/10. Big worm energy, but with desert vibes.
10. Western Blind Snake (Rena spp.)
Fun fact: Has vestigial eyes that are basically decorative.
Dramatic move: Moves erratically if disturbed, like a confused spaghetti noodle.
Worm score: 10/10. Honestly indistinguishable from the worms it lives beside.
Final Thoughts:
These snakes aren’t dangerous. They’re not flashy. They don’t hiss or strike or unhinge jaws over wildebeest. These are your quiet quitters of the serpent world. They are the “I’m just here so I don’t get fined” reptiles. And they deserve respect — or at least a side-eye of admiration for their low-key worm cosplay lifestyle.
🪱🐍✨
